So this last week or so, I haven't necessarily "felt" pregnant. Now anyone who has been pregnant or who is pregnant, gets what I am talking about. For the rest of you, just trust me. Somedays, despite being extremely tired or feeling nauseous, you just don't "feel" pregnant. I haven't gained even a pound, my pants are loose, I don't feel bloated or anything. It just seemed like there should be MORE going on down there.
So of course because of the lack of physical signals that I was obviously pregnant and not just sick, I was worried. Again, there is that evil "w" word...worried. I did admit earlier that it is still something I struggle with. I mean, I am only human. So I was frantically emailing friends, posting on some message boards and searching through books once again about "not feeling pregnant." I also specifically prayed last night that God would give me peace about my little child and that if it is still growing inside me, that He would protect it and nourish it.
Another thing that had thrown me over the worry-edge, was the fact that I haven't heard the heartbeat yet. When we went to our first appointment at 9 weeks, we saw the baby and saw the heartbeat, but did not hear it. You'd think just seeing things would mean "believing", but there is something about actually hearing the lub-dub of your baby's heartbeat that pacifies like no other. A few days after my first appointment, I purchased a fetal doppler. Basically, the same thing they have in the doctor's office, just for use at home. Of course I tried it out right away with no luck. I should have been smarter than that to even try, because not even my doctor tried to hear the heartbeat. She knew it was too early and my uterus was tilted too far back.
Never one to give up, I persistently tried hearing the soothing beat of the heartbeat. Almost nightly, I would lather my belly up with some gel and probe around in hopes of catching a beat or two. Well, to my joy and surprise, FINALLY this morning I was able to hear it! It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard and a perfect 150 beats! It was like it was singing to me a new song, a love song! Thank you God for sending me this amazing little miracle to let me know everything is ok! I immediately broke into a deep sob. It is my baby, it is alive and thriving and developing! I was hooked, I am absolutely in love!
I am now officially addicted to my doppler and am so thankful I purchased it! I am going to say hello to my little one every single day. I can't wait to see him/her again! I can't imagine when I will actually feel it someday, what's that going to be like? This is more and more amazing every moment. I've never been more thrilled in my life. Thank you Lord for your blessings and grace!
Love and Blessings
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Worries and A Flutter of Life
One of the biggest battles I've faced during this pregnancy is "worrying." I suppose all newly pregnant first-timers go through the same thing. Is this "normal", should I be feeling this way or what can and can I not eat? Those are just a few of the hundreds of things to worry about. I keep having to remind myself that ultimately, God has even this in His gracious hands. Welcome to motherhood Liz, let the worrying begin :)
It seems as though within the first few moments of knowing I was expecting, I was worried! Am I REALLY pregnant (even though I took 8 tests)? Could this be a mistake? Why don't I feel pregnant? I haven't been throwing up. Did I eat ok the past few weeks? Oh dear, did I have a beer too close to today? All of these frantic thoughts were racing through my head faster than I could handle. What made it even more of a challenge was the fact that I didn't want to tell anyone until I actually knew for sure that there really was a baby in there and not just a double pink line on a stick. So my friends were of no help at first.
My solution to get to the bottom of all my insanity, was to call my Dr. and schedule my first prenatal appointment! What a fabulous idea. So I called expecting to get in within a few days. Surely they wanted to make sure Im pregnant themselves right? WRONG. They didn't even want to see me for four weeks! That's right, four! How can they possibly leave me alone with all these worries being thrown at me like grenades? I will surely explode.
So the four weeks begin to pass, very. slowly. I try and do my own research online through various pregnancy sites. I even bought five different pregnancy books. Yep, if it's out there Im pretty sure I own it. So did any of those things help me? Nope, not one bit. They only brought on more questions, concerns, anxiety and worry! In the midst of the chaos, I heard this "voice" softly whispering to my soul, "Liz, turn it over to me. I already know the child I am forming in your womb. He/she is perfectly and wonderfully made." Ahhh, there it was, the one firm thing I could stand on. My Heavenly Father.
I will admit, I still struggle with it, but I pray daily for God to bring me peace. For Him to protect and develop this amazing gift growing inside me. God, please let me not worry about tomorrow and help me focus on You God. For You are the source of all things good. This amazing little life, even in these delicate stages of development, is bringing me closer to God. I've surrendered and truly given it over to Him, finally. Yes, I sometimes even catch myself worrying about a miscarriage, as several of my friends have experienced such a devastating loss. But I must know that even in that circumstance, God had that beautiful child in His hands. God, Im trusting You.
And finally 4 weeks later, at the end of all this worry, there it was. As clear as anything I could have ever imagined, my babies dear little heart beat. Absolutely perfect. The quick flutter looked like a small butterfly beating its wings rapidly. A sure sign of a thriving life. I could see my miracle's spine, arms, legs and head. I just laid there with my neck tilted up looking at this screen of this child, of this soul, of this precious life that God has entrusted me with taking care of and providing for while it is on this earth. I was overwhelmed and left speechless. Wow, thank you Lord!
This is an amazing journey. I can't wait until I can see little baby dubs again. I pray every single day that God continues to strengthen and bless my little flutter of a child. I am so blessed. I am overwhelmed. I am over joyed. I am beyond thankful. God, You have truly out-done yourself. How can I ever thank you enough?
Love and Blessings!
It seems as though within the first few moments of knowing I was expecting, I was worried! Am I REALLY pregnant (even though I took 8 tests)? Could this be a mistake? Why don't I feel pregnant? I haven't been throwing up. Did I eat ok the past few weeks? Oh dear, did I have a beer too close to today? All of these frantic thoughts were racing through my head faster than I could handle. What made it even more of a challenge was the fact that I didn't want to tell anyone until I actually knew for sure that there really was a baby in there and not just a double pink line on a stick. So my friends were of no help at first.
My solution to get to the bottom of all my insanity, was to call my Dr. and schedule my first prenatal appointment! What a fabulous idea. So I called expecting to get in within a few days. Surely they wanted to make sure Im pregnant themselves right? WRONG. They didn't even want to see me for four weeks! That's right, four! How can they possibly leave me alone with all these worries being thrown at me like grenades? I will surely explode.
So the four weeks begin to pass, very. slowly. I try and do my own research online through various pregnancy sites. I even bought five different pregnancy books. Yep, if it's out there Im pretty sure I own it. So did any of those things help me? Nope, not one bit. They only brought on more questions, concerns, anxiety and worry! In the midst of the chaos, I heard this "voice" softly whispering to my soul, "Liz, turn it over to me. I already know the child I am forming in your womb. He/she is perfectly and wonderfully made." Ahhh, there it was, the one firm thing I could stand on. My Heavenly Father.
I will admit, I still struggle with it, but I pray daily for God to bring me peace. For Him to protect and develop this amazing gift growing inside me. God, please let me not worry about tomorrow and help me focus on You God. For You are the source of all things good. This amazing little life, even in these delicate stages of development, is bringing me closer to God. I've surrendered and truly given it over to Him, finally. Yes, I sometimes even catch myself worrying about a miscarriage, as several of my friends have experienced such a devastating loss. But I must know that even in that circumstance, God had that beautiful child in His hands. God, Im trusting You.
And finally 4 weeks later, at the end of all this worry, there it was. As clear as anything I could have ever imagined, my babies dear little heart beat. Absolutely perfect. The quick flutter looked like a small butterfly beating its wings rapidly. A sure sign of a thriving life. I could see my miracle's spine, arms, legs and head. I just laid there with my neck tilted up looking at this screen of this child, of this soul, of this precious life that God has entrusted me with taking care of and providing for while it is on this earth. I was overwhelmed and left speechless. Wow, thank you Lord!
This is an amazing journey. I can't wait until I can see little baby dubs again. I pray every single day that God continues to strengthen and bless my little flutter of a child. I am so blessed. I am overwhelmed. I am over joyed. I am beyond thankful. God, You have truly out-done yourself. How can I ever thank you enough?
Love and Blessings!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thank You Mom
I have always heard that once you have your own children, you will appreciate your mother in a whole new light. Now to be honest, I never quite understood that. I mean I think I've loved and appreciated my mother my whole life. I've been able to recognize the sacrifices she has made for me, the selflessness she often displays and the simple things like homemade cookies! But, until these past few weeks, I never truly knew what people were talking about. How could I "appreciate" my mother more?
Starting in about the 6th week of this pregnancy, I started getting really sick. My husband resorted to calling me his "bed wife" because most days I wouldn't leave my bed. The energy, strength and endurance this little growing life inside of me takes up is something I can not describe. I shamefully found myself thinking, "I am never going through this again! How can anyone possibly have multiple children?" My amazing mother, she had three. As I lay in bed body aching, stomach turning and head pounding, it hit me: THIS is what people were talking about.
This pregnancy thing is like nothing I could have ever imagined! Yes, a lot of my friends who have kids or who are pregnant tried to explain what it would be like but THIS is something else. The very act of just sitting up is a challenge. I find myself winded as if I just ran a marathon merely from walking up my stairs. My boobs sometimes feel like they are filled with heavy wet sand and I cringe if even my t-shirt brushes on them. And of course, there is the emotional part. I have cried driving in the car, at work, working out, in the shower at church...you name it, I've cried there. And I thought I was nuts before!
I have experienced a world of new emotions, feelings, symptoms and stresses just in a couple of weeks. I can't even begin to fathom what will happen in the remainder of my pregnancy or when the little peanut is actually here. I feel pulled in two different ways through this all, absolutely elated and over joyed for God's amazing little blessing, while at the same time ready to feel like myself again.
None the less, every single thing I have gone through makes me truly appreciate my mother. I can not believe she went through this three times! THREE! And each time she had another one, she was not only pregnant, she also had a toddler to look after. How in the world did she do it? The "simple" act of growing a human is the most significant thing I imagine I will do in my life and I am so thankful to my mother for giving me my life.
I already am in LOVE with little baby dubs (for W) :) And can't wait to meet him or her! I have been feeling so sick but I am so blessed, none the less!
Love and Blessings!
Starting in about the 6th week of this pregnancy, I started getting really sick. My husband resorted to calling me his "bed wife" because most days I wouldn't leave my bed. The energy, strength and endurance this little growing life inside of me takes up is something I can not describe. I shamefully found myself thinking, "I am never going through this again! How can anyone possibly have multiple children?" My amazing mother, she had three. As I lay in bed body aching, stomach turning and head pounding, it hit me: THIS is what people were talking about.
This pregnancy thing is like nothing I could have ever imagined! Yes, a lot of my friends who have kids or who are pregnant tried to explain what it would be like but THIS is something else. The very act of just sitting up is a challenge. I find myself winded as if I just ran a marathon merely from walking up my stairs. My boobs sometimes feel like they are filled with heavy wet sand and I cringe if even my t-shirt brushes on them. And of course, there is the emotional part. I have cried driving in the car, at work, working out, in the shower at church...you name it, I've cried there. And I thought I was nuts before!
I have experienced a world of new emotions, feelings, symptoms and stresses just in a couple of weeks. I can't even begin to fathom what will happen in the remainder of my pregnancy or when the little peanut is actually here. I feel pulled in two different ways through this all, absolutely elated and over joyed for God's amazing little blessing, while at the same time ready to feel like myself again.
None the less, every single thing I have gone through makes me truly appreciate my mother. I can not believe she went through this three times! THREE! And each time she had another one, she was not only pregnant, she also had a toddler to look after. How in the world did she do it? The "simple" act of growing a human is the most significant thing I imagine I will do in my life and I am so thankful to my mother for giving me my life.
I already am in LOVE with little baby dubs (for W) :) And can't wait to meet him or her! I have been feeling so sick but I am so blessed, none the less!
Love and Blessings!
Friday, March 18, 2011
My "Secret Life" No More!
So it's been a while, a LONG while. It hasn't been because I've gotten lazy, it's just because It was premature to share the amazing blessings that God's been pouring into the lives of my husband and I. I've had to be "living in secret" ha. As I look back at even this blog, It is fun to know that I felt the anticipation of God moving in huge ways! And boy, was I right!
As Im sure everyone reading this blog has gathered, my main life goal and deepest heart's desire, has been to be a mother. To be able to call a precious little blessing from God, "mine." Well, I believe God puts desires in our hearts because he wants to fulfill those desires, and well...He has fulfilled mine!
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I truthfully never thought I would be able to write this! The road was sure longer than we thought and involved more pain that we had hoped, but God has abundantly blessed us with life's greatest miracle! We found out Valentine's Day weekend while we were up North. I had been feeling some strange symptoms so I thought I either A) had more cysts and endometriosis or B) I was pregnant. Thankfully it was B! I am also thankful I just happened to bring two pregnancy tests with me up North. I took one the first morning we were there, and ta-da, there it was two pink lines! My heart started racing like I was running a marathon and I started sweating. I took the test and ran it out to show Mike. Still shaking and about to faint I said, "MIKE, I think we're PREGNANT!" His reply, "nuh uh." That's it! No reaction, nothing. hahaha! I think he really wasn't expecting it either and thought the test was wrong.
So the next few days I continued to take pregnancy tests, ok maybe 8 total so far :) But finally Mike was believing. I think it is a shock to guys because suddenly they have all this new pressure on them, they are going to be a dad! They are going to be responsible for someones life and well being.
We drove home that weekend and immediately told our parents. Now some people may think that's nuts. But we figured, even if something did go wrong, we'd then have the support of our families. They were all just elated. I think they were all in disbelief too! No one really saw this coming.
I remember crying on my knees that morning I found out. Just overcome with thanksgiving and praise to God for this amazing blessings. He has trusted me with raising and developing a human. It still just blows my mind! I talk to my belly every single night and say prayers for the little person growing inside me. Please God protect this new love of mine and help it to develop into a healthy beautiful child that I can someday hold in my arms.
I have more adventures to share, but there is the update for now! God has done BIG things in my life and I am humbled. Wow.
Love and Blessings!
As Im sure everyone reading this blog has gathered, my main life goal and deepest heart's desire, has been to be a mother. To be able to call a precious little blessing from God, "mine." Well, I believe God puts desires in our hearts because he wants to fulfill those desires, and well...He has fulfilled mine!
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I truthfully never thought I would be able to write this! The road was sure longer than we thought and involved more pain that we had hoped, but God has abundantly blessed us with life's greatest miracle! We found out Valentine's Day weekend while we were up North. I had been feeling some strange symptoms so I thought I either A) had more cysts and endometriosis or B) I was pregnant. Thankfully it was B! I am also thankful I just happened to bring two pregnancy tests with me up North. I took one the first morning we were there, and ta-da, there it was two pink lines! My heart started racing like I was running a marathon and I started sweating. I took the test and ran it out to show Mike. Still shaking and about to faint I said, "MIKE, I think we're PREGNANT!" His reply, "nuh uh." That's it! No reaction, nothing. hahaha! I think he really wasn't expecting it either and thought the test was wrong.
So the next few days I continued to take pregnancy tests, ok maybe 8 total so far :) But finally Mike was believing. I think it is a shock to guys because suddenly they have all this new pressure on them, they are going to be a dad! They are going to be responsible for someones life and well being.
We drove home that weekend and immediately told our parents. Now some people may think that's nuts. But we figured, even if something did go wrong, we'd then have the support of our families. They were all just elated. I think they were all in disbelief too! No one really saw this coming.
I remember crying on my knees that morning I found out. Just overcome with thanksgiving and praise to God for this amazing blessings. He has trusted me with raising and developing a human. It still just blows my mind! I talk to my belly every single night and say prayers for the little person growing inside me. Please God protect this new love of mine and help it to develop into a healthy beautiful child that I can someday hold in my arms.
I have more adventures to share, but there is the update for now! God has done BIG things in my life and I am humbled. Wow.
Love and Blessings!
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