So this last week or so, I haven't necessarily "felt" pregnant. Now anyone who has been pregnant or who is pregnant, gets what I am talking about. For the rest of you, just trust me. Somedays, despite being extremely tired or feeling nauseous, you just don't "feel" pregnant. I haven't gained even a pound, my pants are loose, I don't feel bloated or anything. It just seemed like there should be MORE going on down there.
So of course because of the lack of physical signals that I was obviously pregnant and not just sick, I was worried. Again, there is that evil "w" word...worried. I did admit earlier that it is still something I struggle with. I mean, I am only human. So I was frantically emailing friends, posting on some message boards and searching through books once again about "not feeling pregnant." I also specifically prayed last night that God would give me peace about my little child and that if it is still growing inside me, that He would protect it and nourish it.
Another thing that had thrown me over the worry-edge, was the fact that I haven't heard the heartbeat yet. When we went to our first appointment at 9 weeks, we saw the baby and saw the heartbeat, but did not hear it. You'd think just seeing things would mean "believing", but there is something about actually hearing the lub-dub of your baby's heartbeat that pacifies like no other. A few days after my first appointment, I purchased a fetal doppler. Basically, the same thing they have in the doctor's office, just for use at home. Of course I tried it out right away with no luck. I should have been smarter than that to even try, because not even my doctor tried to hear the heartbeat. She knew it was too early and my uterus was tilted too far back.
Never one to give up, I persistently tried hearing the soothing beat of the heartbeat. Almost nightly, I would lather my belly up with some gel and probe around in hopes of catching a beat or two. Well, to my joy and surprise, FINALLY this morning I was able to hear it! It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard and a perfect 150 beats! It was like it was singing to me a new song, a love song! Thank you God for sending me this amazing little miracle to let me know everything is ok! I immediately broke into a deep sob. It is my baby, it is alive and thriving and developing! I was hooked, I am absolutely in love!
I am now officially addicted to my doppler and am so thankful I purchased it! I am going to say hello to my little one every single day. I can't wait to see him/her again! I can't imagine when I will actually feel it someday, what's that going to be like? This is more and more amazing every moment. I've never been more thrilled in my life. Thank you Lord for your blessings and grace!
Love and Blessings
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