Worries and A Flutter of Life

One of the biggest battles I've faced during this pregnancy is "worrying." I suppose all newly pregnant first-timers go through the same thing. Is this "normal", should I be feeling this way or what can and can I not eat? Those are just a few of the hundreds of things to worry about. I keep having to remind myself that ultimately, God has even this in His gracious hands. Welcome to motherhood Liz, let the worrying begin :)

It seems as though within the first few moments of knowing I was expecting, I was worried! Am I REALLY pregnant (even though I took 8 tests)? Could this be a mistake? Why don't I feel pregnant? I haven't been throwing up. Did I eat ok the past few weeks? Oh dear, did I have a beer too close to today? All of these frantic thoughts were racing through my head faster than I could handle. What made it even more of a challenge was the fact that I didn't want to tell anyone until I actually knew for sure that there really was a baby in there and not just a double pink line on a stick. So my friends were of no help at first.

My solution to get to the bottom of all my insanity, was to call my Dr. and schedule my first prenatal appointment! What a fabulous idea. So I called expecting to get in within a few days. Surely they wanted to make sure Im pregnant themselves right? WRONG. They didn't even want to see me for four weeks! That's right, four! How can they possibly leave me alone with all these worries being thrown at me like grenades? I will surely explode.

So the four weeks begin to pass, very. slowly. I try and do my own research online through various pregnancy sites. I even bought five different pregnancy books. Yep, if it's out there Im pretty sure I own it. So did any of those things help me? Nope, not one bit. They only brought on more questions, concerns, anxiety and worry! In the midst of the chaos, I heard this "voice" softly whispering to my soul, "Liz, turn it over to me. I already know the child I am forming in your womb. He/she is perfectly and wonderfully made." Ahhh, there it was, the one firm thing I could stand on. My Heavenly Father.

I will admit, I still struggle with it, but I pray daily for God to bring me peace. For Him to protect and develop this amazing gift growing inside me. God, please let me not worry about tomorrow and help me focus on You God. For You are the source of all things good. This amazing little life, even in these delicate stages of development, is bringing me closer to God. I've surrendered and truly given it over to Him, finally. Yes, I sometimes even catch myself worrying about a miscarriage, as several of my friends have experienced such a devastating loss. But I must know that even in that circumstance, God had that beautiful child in His hands. God, Im trusting You.

And finally 4 weeks later, at the end of all this worry, there it was. As clear as anything I could have ever imagined, my babies dear little heart beat. Absolutely perfect. The quick flutter looked like a small butterfly beating its wings rapidly. A sure sign of a thriving life. I could see my miracle's spine, arms, legs and head. I just laid there with my neck tilted up looking at this screen of this child, of this soul, of this precious life that God has entrusted me with taking care of and providing for while it is on this earth. I was overwhelmed and left speechless. Wow, thank you Lord!

This is an amazing journey. I can't wait until I can see little baby dubs again. I pray every single day that God continues to strengthen and bless my little flutter of a child. I am so blessed. I am overwhelmed. I am over joyed. I am beyond thankful. God, You have truly out-done yourself. How can I ever thank you enough?

Love and Blessings!