Wanted: More Friends

Again, being I use this primarily as a journal-type blog, this is a completely transparent post. Not sure if I should post it, but I'm going to anyways :)

Things have been moving a long quite well lately. Im feeling a little better, I actually gained weight for the first time this pregnancy which is great, I feel so blessed, we are building a new house and Mike is loving his new job. However, there is one area of my life that I wish I could improve on. Im not exactly sure how to do this, because it doesn't completely depend on only me.

The area of my life I'd love to grow in is developing deeper friendships or just having more friends in general. I don't know what it is but I can't seem to develop deep friendships with my girl friends. In high school, I had a whole tight group of girls that I could always go to. Even in college, I had a group of wonderful ladies that had my back and I had theirs. Now that Im out of school and in the real world, I really really struggle with this!

I seem to meet a lot of great people, but am just not able to cultivate that deeper connection. Then it gets me thinking, perhaps it is me?! Am I a "bad friend" to begin with? Am I too selfish that people have a difficult time connecting with me? Am I not there for people when they need me? It has been so confusing for me because I try and do nice thoughtful things for people like send cards when something good happens or when there are hardships, attend events for my friends, pray for anyone who needs anything and I try and make plans with people. It seems to be an area many girls probably struggle with. Girls need a lot more substance in friendships than guys do. Like my husband, he merely meets a guy and chats for 5 minutes and suddenly they are "best buds" and hanging out! I completely don't understand that. hahah

Sometimes I think a lot of it stems back to the time in my life when I was really sick. For about a year I was sick. As most of my friends know, I was in and out of Mayo Clinic for several months and even on disability for a while. It was the darkest part of my life. I felt completely isolated and just left alone to deal with everything. Im sure no one really understood what exactly I was going through anyways. So, during that time it was nearly impossible to make any friends let alone keep any. I felt a little abandoned during that time. Perhaps I was expecting too much though.

I think I feel more "needy" during this season of my life because I am going through so many changes. I wish I had a few friends (or even one) who I could just call up and chat with about whatever. I have NO clue about being pregnant or how to care for kids, so of course that is a popular subject. Obviously, my husband is my very best friend and I adore him, but sometimes I just need a girl friend to sit down with.

So instead of sitting here trying to psychoanalyze myself, I will just pray about it. I mean you can't force anyone to be your friend anyways! haha. Oh one weird thing too, I found my whole life I've connected really well with guys as friends. But obviously being married now, that wouldn't be respectful of my husband or just productive in general, so that wont work. Hmmm. I think I will post an add on Craigslist that reads, "Wanted: More Friends". haha. We'll see how that works! J/K of course :) Or maybe there is a match.com for finding good friendships! That is how I met my dear husband after all.

Love and blessings!